The Hardships of Happiness

Edward ran through the forest late night after Alex was asleep. he knew Esme would keep an eye on her. he ran as fast and hard as he could, throwing all of his pain, rage and frustrations into his strength. it was enough to burn off the intense emotions coursing through him. he burst ino the meadow and stopped in the middle of it, taking a few deep breaths before he screamed long and raggedly, his anguished voice echoing off the surrounding mountains and amplifying it. he screamed and screamed for what felt like hours before he collapsed, sitting in the grass and flowers and panting. he stared off into space at a patch of blue and red flowers as he tried to organize his thoughts, not for the first time. he felt hurt and neglected by his family, though mostly his parent figures. it seemed ridiculous even to him that he should feel such a petty human emotion after all these decades, but it had been festering his whole afterlife, it just grew worse and more mentally dangerous after Alex was gone. he felt like Esme didnt understand him, or couldn't see how effected he was. he felt equally unsure of his father. he knew Emmett would be quietly supportive, avoiding having conflicts with Rosalie. He knew she would be a thorn in his side. he suddenly had an epiphany and felt guilty and foolish for not considering it before. he would talk to Alice. About eveything. she was the only best friend he'd ever had and he told her everything whether she had already seen it or not. he often spoke to her about things she had the answers for already, just to have someone to talk to. he had always felt isolated from the rest of his family. his ability made him an automatic outcast and Alice and he needed each other for support. he knew their abilities were not frowned upon because it was useful and just part of who he and Alice were, but only he and Alice knew how the other felt at an almost instantaneous connection. they only had each other to consult when it came to their unique abilities. Jasper was the luvcky one as far as Edward thouht. his tall southern brother had a much more balanced power, somehing not too intrusive but just as useful. Edward continued trying to organize his thoughts, turning his mind to Alexandria and what he should do as far as she was concerned. He knew thinking of the options was ridiculous however. he wanted her. She was his true mate, half-blooded or not. he would kill before he lost her again. he was finally resolved after a night in his peaceful meadow, protected from stray distracted thoughts, that he would go to his parents and apologize more sincerely for his recent attitude and general strange changes lately. then he would sit down and have a long talk with Alice, probably with Alexandria by his side. he smiled just slightly now, feeling calmer than he had since the fundraiser and as if he had control of at least part of his life again. he got to his feet and stretched, then blurred back for the Cullen home, his heart lighter than it had been for years. he actually felt hope swelling in him again.